5 Secret Essentials Ingredients For A Successful Marriage By Dr Kausthub Desikachar

Dr Kausthub Desikachar says that, just like how a well-balanced diet and routine workout can help you have a healthy body, many factors contribute to a healthy and blissful married life. In this article, You are about to learn the 5 secret essential ingredients for a successful marriage by Dr Kausthub Desikachar.

Weddings are a lot of fun — especially the wedding preparations, shopping, the beautiful emotions, dancing and laughter during the wedding, the proud feeling of introducing your partner to the people you meet. Voila! Dr Kausthub Desikachar says, but being married is not a cakewalk. You heard it right! There’s indeed a lot of work that both the partners have to do to have a “happily ever after story”.

Any relationship is bound to go through ups and downs with time. Periodically, a partner or the couple can experience a feeling of dissatisfaction or unfulfillment in their marriages and may be puzzled as to what precisely drives them to feel that way. This is normal, but it is fundamental to understand both the partners’ work and dedication is equally essential to have a “happily ever after story” while it is achievable.

You might ponder on what are they referring to as work and dedication?

Dr Kausthub Desikachar says, well, there is a list of fortes to consider working on each day to make yours a happy and fulfilled marriage:  

  1. Love, care, trust and support
  2. Openness, honesty
  3. Spending time, Attention
  4. Tolerance, patience
  5.  Respect 
  6. Unselfishness, Willingness to compromise
  7. Skillfully manage disagreements and arguments
  8. Acceptance and being ready to see partner’s perspective
  9. Willingness to forgive and be sorry
  10. Fun and friendship

There is no benchmark to refer to a perfect couple or a perfect marriage. Everybody is imperfect in their own way. Whether you’ve just started your relationship, are newlywed, been married for a while, or have been married more than once, the below 5 secret essential ingredients for a successful marriage by Dr Kausthub Desikachar will help you develop and enrich a healthy and heartwarming relationship.

5 Secret Essential Ingredients For A Successful Marriage

1. Explore Common Interests And Do Things Together

Couples spending quality time together are known to have a more satisfactory and strong bond. With busy work schedules, considerable responsibilities and children to care for, couples tend to spend very little time with each other. You might wonder how can I make time when my plate is already overflowing with work and responsibilities.
Dr Kausthub Desikachar says every stage of life brings new responsibilities but prioritizing your relationship with your partner can help you keep the spark always lit in your married life. Plan up and spend time together regularly like going together for shopping home needs, cooking together, date nights, walking/ involving in sports/ working out together regularly, short road trips and holidays. Couples doing things together can feel closer and create an opportunity to have something outside your family responsibilities that you both can enjoy and have fun. 

Spending quality time together is not bad yet; it is an unhealthy sign if your life revolves around your partner and you feel paralyzed or depressed when they are not around you. It is also essential to embrace that it is perfectly normal to miss your partner while you’re not together, but losing yourself and your identity makes it impossible to keep the relationship healthy.

2. Don’t Expect Your Partner To Read Your Mind

No matter how long or how well you have known each other, you cannot read your partner’s mind, nor can your partner read your mind. There comes a lot of conflicts when you assume that your partner can understand precisely what you’re going through in your mind. No! That’s not likely all the time, dear friend. This is where communication plays an influential role in relationships. Communicate your thoughts and emotions clearly to your partner every time. 

3. Communicate Openly And Clearly

Communicating with your partner is “THE BEST” way to hold your marriage healthy and blossoming. You will make it till your death with your partner, which is why it’s vital to converse about everything other than parenthood and maintaining the household. Spend time with your mate each day discussing deeper or more personal stuff like your dreams, support to pursue your ambitions, individuality, memories, your past, traumas, worries, fears, beliefs, things you have experienced in life, bucket lists, things you love or dislike, sexual expectations, something funny or even the silliest of subjects. It is equally indispensable to give ears to your partner and listen patiently when they have something to discuss. Keeping every information you share honest will help you create a beautiful attachment with your partner and keep your relationship healthy and sane. This is one part of communication between partners. 

The way and the tone in which you communicate with your better half is very important. While the other part of communication is dealing with disagreements and resolving them quickly. Keeping anxieties or concerns to yourself can breed bitterness, frustration in the long run and create undesirable scenarios with your loved one. You must honestly communicate about what you’re feeling or enduring during any discomforting situation instantly, but make sure you are polite, kind and respectful while you show your disagreements. Dr Kausthub Desikachar says bottling up emotions and not communicating to your partner effectively can lead to negative communication patterns like yelling, personal criticisms, or withdrawing from the discussion, which can negatively affect the relationship. Using constructive strategies like listening patiently to your partner’s point of view, understanding their emotions and sentiments, speaking in a calm and positive attitude is a healthier way to deal with conflicts and disagreements. This way, the bond between the two partners will be nourished, healthy and respectful. 

4. Respect Each Other At All Times

Dr Kausthub Desikachar says nothing is more detrimental in a relationship faster than criticisms, put-downs, yelling, withdrawing from discussions, thrashing, using profanity language or giving your partner a silent treatment. There will be junctures where you might feel hurt by your partner’s behaviour, or it could be anything you dislike. As said earlier, discuss your concern with your partner in a polite, kind and respectful manner. This can bring about a lot of understanding and changes in them. When partners yield to appreciate and respect each other, they usually tumble into toxic patterns. Treating your spouse just as you would desire to be treated will strengthen the bond between you two. Taking the initiative to compliment your partner when you find something good or helpful is an easy way to show respect. It is a human tendency to share our emotions with people we trust. But just think about this — when you feel the urge to grumble to your friend/ family about one of your spouse’s flaws, ask yourself how you would feel if they did that to you? Not feeling good, right? So, next time deal it with your partner right away in a respectful manner. 

5. Forgive Each Other

Nobody is perfect, and every human on earth has flaws. An essential simple element of a blissful marriage is the mastery to realize and admit that you are not perfect. You will repeatedly make mistakes and require forgiveness, and the same applies to your spouse as well 🙂 At some point in time, your spouse may hurt your feelings or do something that bothers you, either unintentionally or sometimes in anger, and that may make you mad, even fierce. But you must deal with your feelings, forgive your partner, and move on. Partners who patiently show unending forgiveness to their spouse without taking revenge or talking about the past is some of the best qualities required for a successful marriage. 

If you bumble around this zone, grab a pen and quickly jot down the good things about your partner that drives you to love him/her more and more —this simple activity should help you stay humble and forgive their mistakes. It will set your heart and relationship free. 

Dr Kausthub Desikachar says if you retain the distress or memories of past hurt, and is something that you cannot tolerate from your spouse and find it difficult to forgive your partner’s mistakes, speak up and have an open discussion with your partner on how this can be fixed as quickly as possible. 

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Dr Kausthub Desikachar

Dr Kausthub Desikachar

Dr. Kausthub Desikachar is the successor and current lineage holder of the classical Viniyoga tradition of T Krishnamacharya & TKV Desikachar. He is an acclaimed yoga teacher, yoga therapist, healer and spiritual adviser. He is also an avid photographer, inspirational writer and poet.

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